I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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