I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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