What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
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Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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