not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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