he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
