I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
