just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
