I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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