Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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