Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
God, I missed his penis.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
