Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
