I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
This is not my ceiling
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
