please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
