if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
