Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
