the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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