he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
