Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
