i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
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I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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