I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
