we made out on top of his cat.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
