Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
