i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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