my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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