Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
