Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
