so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
