he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I am midnight drunk by noon
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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