Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.

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(907): View more from Alaska

i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger

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(904): View more from Florida

Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.

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(347): View more from New York

we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level

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(407): View more from Florida

Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.

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(805): View more from California

I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.

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