I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
