I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
