I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
