If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
