I wish I could punch you in the face.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
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