There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
