I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
