A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Oh god it's open bar.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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