Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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