im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
