Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
