I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
