You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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