And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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