i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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