How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
