I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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