Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
