there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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