I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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