im holly from the hills drunk
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
