remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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