New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
