I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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