he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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