I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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