We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
