I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
