If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
