sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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