I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
