Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
he's gonorrhea incarnate
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
