they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
