I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...