You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
