i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
