you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I am midnight drunk by noon
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
