He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
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Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.