Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."