Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
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Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She bit a glass in half.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
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Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car