Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess