Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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