I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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