I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
