hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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