you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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