Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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