last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
