I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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