And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
