somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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