I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
