i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
